Don’t give up hope.

When you feel you have lost everything you still have:

-books

-unexpected kindness in strangers

-the rest of the world to travel

-languages to learn

-animals to take care of

-volunteer work to do

-the power of a good night’s rest

-the changing of seasons

-infinite things to learn

-billions of people to meet and possibly love

-billions of people who might love you back

OhInsanity

What happens when you kill yourself.

You wanna know what happens when you kill yourself?

Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and that hurts more than anything. And you think that your mother never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your chair is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting her because they’re all busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her its gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, and everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. The girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. the teacher who always gave you a hard time stared blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you just to hear your voice and he talks to you on Facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you that they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself

but you killed everyone around you too.

OhInsanity

The Butterfly Project.

Theres a little thing called the butterfly project, and if you’re reading this now, I want you to do it.

If you don’t know what it is, I’m about to explain.

The butterfly project is where when you want to hurt yourself, you draw a butterfly on the place you normally self harm, or get someone else to draw one, and name it. If someone else drew it, name it after them. You can’t hurt yourself until the butterflies have faded off (no scrubbing them off!) or you will hurt them, and if someone else drew one, you will be hurting the people too.

I want you to go and get a pen now. Draw a big, beautiful butterfly on the place you self harm, and name it after me. No washing it off, it should be a reminder that at least one person cares about you. Leave a comment if you ever want to talk, or just to get in touch, and remember that I love each and every one of you.

OhInsanity

A little reminder.

Hii, I’ve had a pretty rough night yet again so I’d just like to remind anyone who is reading this right now that I love you. You are important, and you are wanted. Someone thinks the world of you, and even if you don’t notice it, there are people who make sure that you’re okay. You’re never alone in life, there are always people who care about you and who love you, people who are willing to hold you so tight that all your broken pieces stick back together. If you are aware of a person like this in your life, don’t let them go. You will regret it, just like I did. Also, let them know how much they mean to you before it’s too late. Don’t make the same mistake I did. The world would be so much better if everyone made even a small effort to show people that they care, and this is mine to you. Stay strong my little fighter.

OhInsanity

I’m a mess.

It’s 6 in the morning and I haven’t slept all i can think about is how much I want to hurt myself and how fat I em even though I know I won’t have the self control to fast today. I know that if I do fast I might pass out because I’ve got cadets later on and being very warm while marching and concentrating while you haven’t ate or slept is a recipe for disaster. My thoughts don’t even make sense, it’s just endless rambling.

OhInsanity

Project Happiness.

If you are ever feeling sad or depressed, here’s what I want you to do.

Get a clean, empty jar, the size doesn’t really matter.

Write down several things to do when you are feeling down such as;

Paint, look at galaxy photos, sleep on a pile of blankets, make Nutella brownies, organise your wardrobe, sing. Loudly. Badly. Clean your room, go to the library, make a blanket fort, dance in your PJs, smell some perfume, lie in the sun, stay in bed all day, bake a cake, go for a walk, get rid of stuff, plan a holiday,  cuddle with an animal, decorate your room, eat ice cream, bake cupcakes, stargaze, drink tea, eat, watch Disney films, eat chocolate, pick some flowers, smile, go shopping, go to a cafe, read a book, make origami, have a good cry.

Cut all of these things out on seperate pieces of paper and put them in the jar. When you are feeling sad, pick one of them out (or as many as you need) and do what it says. I promise you will feel better💜

OhInsanity

We are not alone.

My life is a mess of responsibilities and thoughts that eat away at me from the inside. I will never understand what it feels like to be perfectly happy and content, and I accept that fact. I know I’m not alone on this journey, and if anyone at all reading this feels alone, please remember that I am here and I understand. Look at the moon. Know that someone, somewhere is looking at it too. Just please, please stay alive for one more day. I know it’s hard, but trust me people do care.

OhInsanity